On Patriotism, Lack Of

Cory: "I dont know why people like American cheese. America can't do anything right."

On Flatulence, New Descriptions

Cory: "It's gonna go boom out of his butt!"

On Weapons, Unpractical

Cory: "I'll stab you with mork butt."

(Ed note: Mork is the name of one of our cats.)

On Fatherhood, So That's How It Works

Cory: "I probably have a lot of half-brothers and sisters, because of my Dad. He's a word I can't repeat. I also probably have a lot of adopted siblings, because there's no female involved."

On Fractional Siblings, Round Down

Cory: "Technically I am an only child, because I'm only your half brother."

On Cat Thoughts, Incomplete

Cory: "You know what cats call the vet? The cutter."

On felines, fishy

Cory: "Cat smells like fish."

On Geographical Anomalies

Cory: "Is Brazil a country in South America or in France?"

On insects, perverted

Cory: "Did you know that yellow jackets can have babies with dead insects?"

On Gypsies, Historically Meddlesome

Cory: "I know what gypsies are. They're one of the first things that screwed up this country."

On True Rulers, Lazy

Cory: "Actually, cats are smarter than people. If they knew how to properly function their brain, they'd rule us."

On Clues, Profoundly Clue-like

Cory: "Clues can be clues but not all clues make sense."

On Drug Dealers, One Stop Shopping

Cory: Go to your neighborhood drug dealer with a good 50 bucks, and buy some cocaine or whatever steroids he has.

On Beverages, Eclectic

Jeff: How do you make alcohol, Cory?

Cory: You build a cross. Make a statue of Jesus out of lemons. Nail it to the cross and burn it.

On Dating, Someday. Maybe

Tim: I'm going to be very surprised if you're ever interested in girls, Cory.

Cory: Huh?

On Microwaves, Unsafe

Cory: [puts face on microwave] This doesn't hurt with radiation.

Cory: [20 seconds later] Ow! Radiation!

On Statements, Accurate

Cory: I'm worse than Einstein himself.

On Fruit, Maybe

Cory: Watermelon is a melon, not a fruit.

Jeff: Melons are fruit.

Cory: But it's still a melon, not a full fruit.

On Political Figures, Non-existent

Cory: I'm going to grow up to be President, but I'm not going to screw it up like Bill Clinton did.

Jeff: What did Bill Clinton do, Cory?

Cory: Exactly! Nothing!

On No Need For Business School Now

Cory: You get paid based on how many 15 minutes you work.

On Food Combinations, Uncommon

Cory: I like spicy lasagna with poop

On Evil Deeds Against Plants

Cory: Let's see how they grow with lemon [while pouring lemonade on grass]!

On Better Tasting Ideas

Cory: I don't want to taste it, can I put something rubber on my tongue?

On The Effects Of Carrots

Cory: My face turns orange when I eat a carrot. It doesn't come off.

On Reading Speeds, Universal

Jeff: If you wanted to read all of the Heroes comic books, it'd probably take you about a week.

Cory: That'd have to be over 1,169 pages!

On Compass Coordinates, New

Cory: Look! Those clouds are going East, and those clouds are going Weast!

On Musical Similarities

Cory: I love Ozzy! [Nirvana song playing]

On More Knowledge About Crabs

Cory: This crab looks like carrots.

On Food You Never Knew Existed

Cory: Can I have a crab thigh instead?

On Tastes Like Chicken, Sort Of

Cory: Shrimp is like rabbit.

On Secrets of Mental Institutions

Cory: You know why they have those [referring to mental help programs]?

Jeff: Why, Cory?

Cory: So they can enforce laws like gay marriage.

On Repairman Needed

Cory: I broke my pants.

On TV's Lack Of Education

Cory: The color on the TV's messed up, that's a grammical error.

On The Anatomy Of Cats

Cory: Mork's angry. His ears are forward.

On The Secrets Of Air Travel

Cory: 93% of all plane crashes are caused by terrorists.

On Parenting The Liquid Way

Cory: Mom gave me a Code Red once. She was drunk!

On The Exclusivity of Holidays

Tim: Well, everyone has those (referring to various holidays).

Cory: And everyone has Christmas. Except for them Jews.